Portlandia Nerd Public Service Announcement

This was to silly not to share :D


Fixing Stupid! Making OS X Mountain Lion run slightly better then poo!

Tagged under: sarcasm – The King is Dead! Long live the King! Yes Steve Jobs is dead and so is the “crap” detector at apple inc. Before I show you some tips for making Mountain Lion run decent instead of the bloated piece of garbage it is I want to discourage anyone from buying an apple computer. Why? Because the hardware they charge a huge greedy bloated premiums for is absolute garbage. Was it always this way? No, it’s been in the last 4 years its become the stinking steamy pile of finkel matter it is now which coincides with Jobs illness and long leaves of absences. I know, I have 3 apple computers that have lasted no more than 2 months passed the apple care warranty and I work on the platform every day. The iMac hard drive recall, well it’s because all iMacs run 10˚ to 22˚ hotter then the maximum allowed by the manufactures. If the DOJ would get off it’s arses they would force a recall that’s now being pushed in 3 states by civil law suits I would hail Obama (not going to happen). Sounds like Micro$oft doesn’t it?

Alas I digress, we’re here to fix stupid AKA Mountain Lion. First, if you don’t have a reason to upgrade to Lion or Mountain Lion DON’T! Snow Leopard is the best OS apple has ever released, you will regret upgrading the OS. The largest issue with Mountain Lion is it’s bloated poorly written software that takes just an imbecilic amount system resources to run. It schlep’s along poorly on any Core 2 Duo with even 4GB of RAM without an SSD. Plus, the “Pro Model Macbook” now has its memory soldered in which leaves it without being able to upgrade it once you get it home. Hardly a Pro Machine! The King is indeed dead, oh how I miss him.

Here’s a few simple steps to, at least minimally fix stupid aka OS X Mountain Lion.

1) Turn off Notifications. I know you’re probably thinking “but notifications are why I want to upgrade the OS!” Well, if it worked with a darn and didn’t kill all the processing cycles it would be but it doesn’t and it’s not. All Notification does is slow a powerful machine down with poorly implemented code and design architecture. It’s fugly (that’s a technical term!) as all hell too! I’ve been asked to “Make it go away” by almost Evey Mac User I’ve serviced by request. To shut off this atrocious POS open your terminal program and give it these commands:

launchctl unload -w /System/Library/LaunchAgents/com.apple.notificationcenterui.plist

Push Return on your keyboard. Next, in Terminal enter:

killall NotificationCenter

2) Fix the resource hogs in the dock settings by opening System Preferences, Dock. Once there turn off the Genie effect by selecting Scale effect. Also Un-check Animate opening applications.

3) Next Download Fredric Wiker’s awesome app Mountain Tweaks and install it into the applications directory by dragging the icon to the folder. I applaud Mr. Wiker for writing this simple little app and have deployed it countless times over the last few months on both Lion and Mountain Lion. This app is free but if you could spare a dollar or two as a donation I’m sure he would appreciate it. I’ve given him donations for every machine I’ve deployed this solution on with no complaints.

On of the things I love about this app is it Fredric re-skinned the contacts and calendar from that bloody wood grain / worn Leather eyesore to good old OS X glass. Although Scott Forstall has been shown the door at apple inc. it’s to little to late since he’s the person who insisted “wood grain Leather look and feel” in Calendar and contacts aka address book was tasteful design (vomit!). Mountain Tweek re-skins both these eyesores, it was the catalyst for me trying the app out because of my general disbelief in how bad it looked (see my previous press here: My Beef with iCal in Lion) I can attest it has run solid for me on every Mac I’ve deployed it on therefore I highly recommend it.

Once installed and running, Click yes on the following buttons on the General Tweaks Tab (see image below):

Show the user library
Enable 2D dock


Next Click on the Mountain Lion Tweaks tabs and click on the following yes buttons:

Disable Gate Keeper (this is so intrusive for anyone but a complete noob I recommend it).
Remove Leather from Contacts
Remove Leather from Calendar
Display Frame rate for Coverflow
Disable smooth scrolling
Disable Rubber Band when Scrolling (you may not want this option if you’re using a trak pad).


There are more “Hacks” you can use to fix ol’ stupid here, if you need assistance feel free to contact me on my about page. Happy trails and GO TEAM HACKINTOSH!